I feel "guilty"!

Many of us, including myself, have played the role of "pleaser" in order to be loved and accepted. We may be familiar with being guilt-prone and with living with the voice of "shoulds."

The following paragraph is excerpted from Wikipedia's description of Guilt (emotion):  {Alice Miller claims that "many people suffer all their lives from this oppressive feeling of guilt, the sense of not having lived up to their parents' expectations... no argument can overcome these guilt feelings, for they have their beginnings in life's earliest period, and from that they derive their intensity. This may be linked to what Les Parrott has called "the disease of false guilt... At the root of false guilt is the idea that what you feel must be true." If you feel guilty, you must be guilty.}

Here's a link that talks about how being guilt-prone is like having an "overactive smoke detector inside your head" and that the signal is often incorrect:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201308/the-curse-being-guilt-prone

Which part of the tree are you hanging onto?

If we were holding on to a tree for safety, we wouldn't be at the top of the tree - succumbing to winds, rains, and storms. Similarly, living in our head can be dangerous - like the "monkey mind" where we never feel settled and balanced. Instead, it would be wise to hang on to the trunk of the tree - where we are more embodied, and able to find our centre and rooting.

Many people who suffer from anxiety tend to live in their heads -- thinking too much, overanalyzing, mind reading, fortune telling, worrrying about the past, worrying about the future.

Here are some tips to cultivate a mind-body connection, and more balance in your life:

1) Practice breath awareness daily, and learn how to anchor with your breath to cultivate a sense of the "here and now." Breathe into your belly, and notice everything about the breath as it enters and leaves your body.

2) Take up a subtle exercise practice like Yoga or Tai Chi, to cultivate body awareness and relaxation.

3) When you walk, sit, or stand, visualize a tree being fully rooted to the ground. Put your awareness in your centre (below the navel), and visualize the trunk of the tree at your centre. 

Here's a link with some information about anxiety, including some other tips on how to relax and find some calm in your life:

http://www.anxietybc.com/resources/selfhelp.php

Caring behaviours to nurture your relationship as a couple

 

When a couple's relationship is stressed, often there is a reduction in caring behaviours -- verbal or non-verbal expressions of interest, respect, concern, and affection. Both partners are likely waiting for good feelings to return before acting positively towards each other. An effective way to jump start the relationship is to consciously increase the rate of exchange of caring behaviours. This may seem unnatural at first, but good feelings will grow from the experiences created by these positive actions.

This link from Psychology Today offers some ideas on this topic:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-the-questions/201402/58-caring-behaviors-couples